Vanity plates are the tools that help you to stand out from the crowd. No sorry, that should read, are FOR tools who want to stand out from the crowd. Pay money to adorn your piece-of-junk automobile with an inspiringly un-amusing slogan or mildly rude phrase? Sounds like a one-way ticket to douchebag stardom… And if you’re so moronic you lack the brainpower to even think up a suitably cheesy or lame slogan for your plate, why don’t you shamelessly rip-off the following classic ‘bag plates (like a true douchebag)?
10. G 5POT
We all know women want men who can find the mythical, so-called G-spot. This douchebag not only thinks he’s discovered the secret to unlocking heavenly female pleasure, but thinks the best way to communicate that fact is to parade around with it on his license plate. He thinks: women see his plate and say ‘he must be awesome in bed!’ We know: they see it and think ‘his manhood is smaller than his sense of humor’ (which is non-existent).
9. OLD PEDO
What does your number plate say about you? In this case nothing good. The owner of this vehicle is either extremely honest or in possession of an extremely retarded sense of humor. You decide. Furthermore: do not drop your kids off at school if you own this vehicle… unless, that is, you enjoy being strung up from the nearest lamppost by an angry mob from the parent-teacher association.
This douche has taken his mother’s advice to ‘flaunt it if you’ve got it’ to a disgustingly moronic extreme and decided to declare himself as hairy and hard publically. It’s hard to imagine any situation where this license plate would be funny… arriving for dinner with the in-laws? Nope. Returning a book to the library? Don’t think so. Worst of all: every morning he gets up, showers, shaves, dresses, heads out and looks at his car and thinks – ‘I’m a douche’. Tragic.
7. VGNA LVR
What is it they say about people who insist on telling you something over and over again? We don’t know… but what we do know is that the more this guy harps on about his love of ‘poontang’, and the more we see this pathetic license plate, the more we are convinced he bats for the other side, or has never dipped his wick at all. Note the irony of this plate being from ‘Virginia’.
6. GAY BOI
Being a screaming homo – and driving around with a number plate declaring that fact – is all well and good on the West Coast, but swap the word ‘California’ for ‘Texas’ on that plate and you’ve got yourself a one-way ticket to gaylord heaven – courtesy of both barrels of a slack-jawed redneck’s shotgun. Ouch.
5. LOL FAIL
Sometimes the douchiest number plates are the ones that attempt to poke fun at themselves and fail – in the most retarded way possible. The owner of this vehicle thinks his plate says: ‘I’m so funny and cool, look at my hilarious vanity plate!’ The rest of us simply think: ‘Just remove the ‘LOL’ and you’re spot on my douchebag friend’.
It’s hard to tell whether this idiot genuinely thinks he is being funny, genuinely thinks he is being funny but is dyslexic, or just never went to school. We suspect a combination of all three.
3. CUM GZLR
We like to think a hot porn actress owns this vehicle and that she was deemed to be so damn good at her job she won the right to display this number plate by… well, you get the idea. The reality is this plate is on the back of a Chevy pick-up truck owned by a 250 pound body-builder called Brett. And he will f*** you up if you call him gay.
2. A55 (O) RGY
This clever use of the orange on Florida license plates gets 10 points for outstanding stupidity, and 0 points for class and style. There’s something deeply disturbing about putting that much thought and effort into something so lame – just think, if only we could channel the power of all the morons with crap plates we could use it to solve all the world’s problems! No we couldn’t.
Quite simply, bizarre. What exactly this douchebag’s motivations are for ordering this ridiculous license plate we will probably never be able to fully understand. Having said that, we’re not sure we would want to.